So, for the last two years Japanese have absorbed my life, in every possible way.
I do want to acknowledge that I have been very lucky in the sense that I was able to get a scholarship to learn Japanese, which gave me financial independence and stability for the past two years. However, the system of the institution where I enrolled, the teaching method and the work-life balance have made of this one of the hardest academic experiences in my life.
I always considered myself a good student, but without a support system and the resources to ensure a good life quality it is truly impossible to meet the expectations of one of the “best institutions” in my country.
With that being said, currently I am low-key recovering from a new aversion towards a language I once loved: Japanese. And once again, this is mostly due to the really old fashioned teaching methods and unrealistic expectations set for students. Nonetheless, i don’t think damage is permanent. I am just exhausted, I am frustrated and I am in a great need of rethinking my relationship with Japan, Japanese language and Japanese studies in general.
So, then, why would I want to keep learning a language that has traumatized me and that, honestly, is not crucial for my life? Well, the Romantic answer (and maybe the most important one) is for the sake of it: because I loved it, because with a right strategy this can be an enjoyable experience, because mastering a language requires hours of study and practice and is not easy, but that is no reason to give up. Because my brain can, brains are powerful. Because I enjoy anime (?). Because there is great Literature out there. Because I’m 28 and with consistency I might achieve something at 38.
A long time ago, my dream was to teach Japanese, and I’m lucky enough to have been able to teach to beginners. (Actually, many times I daydream with owning a language school). Now, I have given up on that dream, mostly because the teaching field will always prefer native speakers, nonetheless, I guess I could teach Spanish to Japanese people. Lol, but I think I’m digressing.
Back to my reasons to learn Japanese: honestly, I think it is a beautiful language, and if you can master something beautiful in your life maybe you should at least try it. Also, I guess deep down myself I just have a really big lust towards languages, I enjoy learning words, grammar, discovering meanings. If I could I would be learning 10 languages at once, but, I prefer to understand one language really well than 10 languages superficially, so, despite the recent trauma, I will continue my Japanese studies to not lose all the progress I’ve made.
However, I think I need to take it easier: I might study just three hours a week (currently I’m studying eight), and i won’t be learning anything new, just perfecting and reviewing what I already know. With that said, my goal for this year is to get the N3 level. Also, I really want to watch more Japanese movies, read manga, anime, all those things that made me love Japanese in the first place.
Now, I guess my relationship with Japanese won’t be the same: I’ve been studying about Japan for the past two years, and I know the best and the worst about this country and its society. No country is Perfect, of course, but Japan is so romanticized, and it is quiet and escapist fantasy for so many, that accepting it is more than that can be hard as well.
Will I ever live to Japan as I once planned? I would like to, I am lucky I’ve been there three times already, but I wanted to study there at least for year. Of course, that was before I became a real adult that is searching for some stability in her life, facing the uncertainty of being a young millenial in THIS economy (and I’m from a third world country, so…).
If I ever get lots of money I might do it, only after buying a house, lol. My priorities have changed and that’s ok! But not because Japan is out of sight as a living place (also, a place is a place, hehe, and as I told you, beyond the romanticism it’s just a society and a flawed country like any other) I’m stopping my studies. So, my other goal is to just enjoy my studies, enjoy my progress and just study at my pace, without overwhelming myself.
So yeah, that’s my great language goal for 2023. Other goals include becoming a better Spanish tutor, offer great educational experiences and services, making a living from it (I really wish I can win at least $500 from teaching), spending less money eating out (really, it is my goal to eat at home more often), and starting my Chinese studies.
All that combined with my YouTube channel and this blog.
It sounds like a lot, I know, and with an eight hour job might be difficult but… im just so excited this master is about to end! No more 12 hours trapped in campus!!! I feel like the world is mine. Haha, well here ends this blog! Thanks for reading!
Eloisa
